My Reflections as a "Frat Boy" (Part I)

This will be, by far, one of the most reflective and emotional entries I have published so far. So I'm pledging a fraternity, a fraternity that, in its ideals, is one established in the name of honor, a fraternity that was established as a reaction to what its founders deemed as "hazing" at a southern military college after the Civil War. It is a fraternity, that, in its ideals, I have come to love and admire; no other fraternity at Stanford represents the ideals that this one does, ideals that I feel align with my personal and spiritual philosophy. It is also, for the most part, a fraternity composed of young men who I greatly admire and whose company I enjoy. But as our initiation week draws to a close and I move one step closer to becoming an initiate (or a "knight" as we call it), I am beginning to question my motivations for pledging this fraternity, or at least the organization's ability to adhere to the virtues that I have held so close to my heart since I discovered them.
You see, especially during I-Week, I feel that our pledge process has sometimes included very arbitrary pledge challenges. Don't get me wrong; I felt that many of these events, even in their arbitrariness, my brothers and I were, in the very least, bonded closer together in our struggle to succeed. Eating global thermonuclear hot wings and seeing the faces my pledge brothers made after the heat kicked in provided some amazing memories. So did conquering a pitch-black aqueduct in record time. I'm not saying that all our challenges have not had meaning; being an optimist, I always find myself trying to grow and learn from each event despite my inability to understand its significance to our growth as candidates. Lately, I feel that the pledge process has taken a turn in a direction that our fraternity ideals do not condone. In my eyes, some of the things that have happened have tiptoed around being what many would call hazing. Being doused in baby oil and made to run carrying a watermelon around campus does not seem at all educational or productive in my opinion. My strongly optimistic side tells me that we learned teamwork and how to push ourselves when situations are not favorable, but after hearing our actives laugh at and enjoy drenching us in oil, it seems as if the event itself gave these men I hope to call "brothers" in the future a twisted satisfaction, especially since they themselves were subject to it during their pledge process. Many of these men are the same men I mentioned earlier, men I admire for their intelligence, courage, talent, and determination. But to see them enjoy the discomfort of others who look to them as role models in a small way breaks my heart. At the same time, it pains me to see my pledge brothers struggle alongside me. I feel a kinship to them that is comparable only to that of my own best friends, "The League," as we call ourselves. The means of attaining the signatures of our actives has also raised some questions in my mind. I have participated in and seen my brothers participate in some demeaning events. I have had to Facebook message a fraternity alumni and insult his girlfriend; I respect him very much and he has helped me in the past, and although he knows I did it in the spirit of I-Week, I still feel guilt over saying such lewd and obscene things about his girlfriend. Even in jest, I know I would be angry if anyone spoke that way about Angela. Again, I'm torn. I have to admit, tandem biking nude and streaking through Meyer Library was definitely a fun experience, but I think that sometimes the line is crossed, and in a national fraternity where smaller infractions are not tolerated, I wonder what National would say if it heard about these things.
All this concerns me so much because I want this fraternity to rise and come to symbolize something greater. To this day, the most amazing thing I have discovered about it (besides its members) is its secession from National in 1962 to protest its policy of disallowing African-Americans and Asians from becoming candidates. I want us to be known as more than just a social fraternity. Great men have already emerged from our ranks, and I feel that my brothers and I can be a force on campus, contributing to community development and social service, alongside our prestige as a social organization. I already see what greatness can be achieved when a few come together; I just wish for our fraternity to be shown in the best light possible and I feel that, given the immense talent that it holds, we as a collective unit can do so much more.
There's still two days left until I-Week ends. We'll see how my thoughts change as the week ends. I pray that God gives me strength in the coming days.